Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
