Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
