I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
