It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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