i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
