I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
