Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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