I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
