the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
