??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
