I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
