I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
