he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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