porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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