Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
