i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
