Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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