OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
