what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
