Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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