yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
