Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
