i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
