I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
