Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
