Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
