a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
