Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
