You can't special order awesome
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
