Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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