I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
