Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
