I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
