Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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