i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
