I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
