I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He did a backflip because drugs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
