Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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