Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
