Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
