peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need a burrito and a hug.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
