i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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