its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
