If i come over, it means nothing
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
