I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
