he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
