what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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