i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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