The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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