I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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