I want to stick my p in your. b.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
