dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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